I’m not crying because I’m on Zoloft.

This is our first Christmas since Trey died.  It’s rough, y’all.  Really rough.  I love the holidays, though, and am looking forward to Christmas.

But that stocking.  Trey’s obnoxious gold tasseled Christmas stocking.

The weekend after Thanksgiving, I pulled out our boxes and boxes of holiday decorations and went to work Christmas-ing our house.  I was appropriately jolly, until it came time to hang the stockings.

What do I do with his?  Do I hang it, and then fill it with gifts for the whole family, in memory of him?  Do I hang it in his honor and leave it unfilled?  I thought those options might bring more sadness to the day, so I elected to leave it in the box.

I struggle with whether this is the right decision.  I feel like we need to include Trey in our holiday somehow, but I don’t want an empty plate at the table and I don’t want an empty stocking over the mantel.

The good news is that we have LOTS of stockings above our mantel!  Everyone who celebrates the holiday with us gets a stocking and this year our home will be filled as my parents and uncle are coming.  Of course we have a stocking for the pets as well.  We therefore have a whole row of stockings and our life is full of love.

But that one, it’s gone.

I just don’t know what to do about it.